lee's guide to defeating the shinobi
by zaza girl
Summary: lee writes a guide to defeating the shinobi. special credit to solar knight for chapter about ino! please review! PLEASE! IT IS AN AWESOME STORY! THE BEST EVER! TEEHEE! I WIN! TEEHEE! no really its good. so read! and review! filled with youthfulness!
1. Chapter 1

**Lee's guide to defeating the shinobi**

_Hello readers! I'm the extremely youthful Rock Lee! Well it seems to be that all you narutards and fangirls will need a special guide to defeating the shinobi. After years of study and research I have come to the conclusion that all of the shinobi are capable of defeating (expect for a few chosen, including me!). Now sit back, relax, kick a kitten or two and enjoy! AND REMEMBER TO STAY YOUTHFUL!_


	2. Chapter 2

Ok so first shinobi that I can defeat is Gaara of the sand. He is fairly easy. Now there are 2 main ways to defeat him

1-you can pour some water on his sand then let him drown in his own mud.

2-grab a vacuum and suck up the sand.

These methods are very useful.


	3. Chapter 3

Now the third shinobi. I pick Shino the scary bug dude. Well again there are 2 ways to defeat him.

1- take a shit load of bug spray and shove it up his ass. This should destroy his bugs. Then he will quickly die.

2-take of his sunglasses and his eyes will melt. Since he has always had sunglasses his eyes aren't used to the dangerous rays of the sun.


	4. Chapter 4

Now the second, shinobi sasuke the gay emo. I enjoyed researching about his weaknesses. Turns out there are a lot. So I'll stop chatting and continue.

1- Give him a big ass razer blade. (preferably a rusty one) then watch the majic unravel. He should slice and dice at his wrists like any other emo. (if you can't find him try wal-mart. Gay emos are known to enjoy wal-mart and their everyday low prices!)

2- kill his brother for him. If his brother is dead then he will have no point to live anymore and he will blow up.

3-lock him in a room with all the sasuke fangirls in the world. That could kill anyone.

4-force him to listen to sakura squeal about how much she loves him over and over and over again until his ears blow up from the high pitched voice.

5-feed him to your pet zombie!


	5. Chapter 5

Now the forth. God time is passing by so quickly. But i'm staying youthful like gai sensei so all is good. Now on to the forth. I chose to defeat neji (I don't like him! He is not youthful like me! Plus he is a tad girly)

1- this is one long complicated step. First hire naruto to seduce hinata. (pay him in ramen. He will do anything for ramen.) tell naruto to get hinata do that thingy where she kills neji.

2-fart in his face repeatedly until he dies of methane gaz poisoning.


	6. Chapter 6

The next person is sakura! Well it doesn't take much to defeat sakura. I mean she isn't even that youthful! Well lets keep on going then!

1-make out with sasuke infront of her, that will make her head pop off then Gai sensei will come and me and Gai will eat sakura's head and be youthful, proud homosexuals! Did I say homosexuals? Me and gai are not lovers! That's crazy, yes crazy! That's silly…….um ok next one!

2- show her math. Yes that will kill her. Then me and gai can kick kittens under the moonlight. sigh um I mean we stay youthful not gay youthful!

3-put sasuke in a rocket, pour maple syrup on him, then she will jump in the rocket with the syrup and sasuke and they will blast off into the sun. then me and gai will have a picnic and gaze into eachothers eyes….i mean be youthful!


	7. Chapter 7

Ok…that was a very awkward chapter. Well on to the next shinobi. I pick ino, cause she is stupid and desirves to have her youthfulness taken away from her. Well lets go on with it.

1-give her a mirror and tell her to look init. That will pretty much destroy her right there. (OH SNAP!)

2-find a fortune cookie. Then place a new fortune in it stating that "sasuke only likes super-mega-emotastic-fugly-ultra-uber-awesome-smelly-tastless-sluts, and that ino is only a semi-super-mega-emotastic-fugly-ultra-uber-awesome-smelly-tastless-slut." Reading this will make her angry and depressed. Now you have the choice of doing 2 things: a) give her a razer blade (rusty of course!) if you can't find her try wal-mart for even emo ino can't avoid the everyday low prices of wal-mart!

b) sell her a "slut potion" I know what your thinking "what good will it be turning ino into a bigger slut?" well my dear youthful readers, there is no such thing as slut potion. Teehee silly readers this reminds me of the time me and gai spent that weekend…..um I mean I am straight. YES STRAIGHT AS A BOARD! Continuing well buy some AIDS and but them in a jar. Well I now know what you thinking. "well that sounds expensive" well not at wal-mart! They are currently selling AIDS in a jar for ony 2$ in aisle 12! So give her AIDS and soon she will die! Teehee! Youthfulnesshappiness!


	8. Chapter 8

So moving on! Next is the long awaited kakashi! Well this one was very hard. I mean his youthfulness almost matches mine and gai's! sigh gai-sensei……well um wow……well I hope one of you readers kill kakashi I mean he is one big nasty-meanie-poopie-head! Well he carries a big book of porn everywhere he goes! And what is really under that mask? Big lips? Buck teeth? Is he a woman? Is kakashi a woman? Well that was an interesting tangent! On with the guide!

1- sneak up to him very slowly. Jump infront of him and yell very loudly. Then take a lemon (or a lime doesn't matter, well oranges work too. God those things sting the eyes!) and sqeeze it right into his eye.

2- tell him the ending of his nasty porn book. It will drive him crazy. In the middle of his madness give him a razer blade (and you guessed it a rusty one!) try looking for him at wal-mart. Then steel the book of porn and feed it to puppies. Then feed the puppies to gaara!

3-get sasuke to strip for him. That will kill him.


	9. Chapter 9

Ok next person I think I should mention is Harry Potter. Well I understand the fact that Harry Potter is not a Shinobi. And he also acts like an old fart not at all like youthful me! But I must add that it is always useful to know how to defeat this wizard. Because well he is a poop-head and emo for cutting a thunderbolt on his forehead.

1-(this is kinda an emo one but please work with me) go up to Sasuke at wal-mart and take away his razor blade. Then carefully make a cut similar to Harry's. Then go to Hogwarts and rape the sorting hat. Then go up to Harry and tell him that you are him. Then tell him that he is lord Voldemort. Then give him the razor blade and tell him to kill himself. He will because he hates Voldemort so much that if he thought that he was him he would kill himself. (Well actually the part where you rape the hat is completely unnecessary! It just a shit load of youthful fun!)

2-force him to watch a pussycat doll music video. Or their force him to go one the TV show "search for the next doll" his poor virgin eyes will be scared and he will throw up continuously until he throws up his organs. Then he will die.

3-make him go on a plane with snakes on it. (snakes on a plane!)


	10. Chapter 10

Well this has been one long youthful journey!!! I couldn't have done it without you! So if you liked my awesome guide please review it for the best fanfiction author out there zaza girl!

Now, I would like to dedicate this guide to my dear friend Shikamaru. Who has recently been huffed by a puppy.

I have also made a quick list of things that you readers should always keep in mind in the road of youthfulness:

1- Huff puppies before they huff you

2- Avoid emos at all costs, in fear that you might catch their disease

3-Eat lots of brownies and swing on lots of swings!!!!!!!

This is my last entry and I'm…starting…to …get…emotional!

Where on earth is gai? I need a hug!!!!!!!!!


End file.
